DEBORAH COX BLOGS
The Myth of Selfish Anger: Anger Wisdom, Part XIII
Selfish Anger? I recently saw a church flyer advertising its curriculum to help members deal with their anger. The minister quoted Frederick Buechner who called anger one of the seven deadly sins. “To lick your wounds, to smack your lips over grievances long past . ....
Physical Anger Release: Anger Wisdom, Part XII
Getting Physical with Anger (in a good way) In my last post, I introduced physical anger work as a tool for getting grounded. I gave instructions on how to deliberately release anger in a time-limited way using props, such as a punching bag or pile of cushions, a bat,...
Anger at Myself: Anger Wisdom, Part XI
But what if I’m just mad at myself? I nearly always get this question from my clients. Who are you most angry with? I ask. 75% of the time, the answer comes back: I feel anger at myself. Angry with myself for not knowing better Mad at myself for thinking I could...
Scary Anger Dissociation: Anger Wisdom, Part X
Dissociation Makes for Scary Anger I know you: You don’t want to hurt anybody, ever. But you grew up around someone who behaved irresponsibly when they were angry. You’d prefer take it out on yourself than be anything like that person. That person showed scary anger...
Anger Grooming & Dominance: Anger Wisdom, Part IX
Dominance and Whiteness Twenty years ago, I had an experience that demonstrates anger grooming, gender, and power in conservative White U.S. culture. I taught a required diversity course to graduate counseling students, right here at Missouri State. One week, I...
Anger & Forgiveness: Anger Wisdom, Part VIII
The heart wants to forgive. No matter the offense or the offender, we desire the release of letting it go. Our need to forgive is universal and I believe clear, grounded anger bridges us from hurt to forgiveness. In other words, when we feel angry with the other, we...
Anger Grooming & Dissociation: Anger Wisdom, Part VII
“Angry People” So here’s where anger gets really complicated. Not only do we dissociate in response to anger triggers when we fear being angry . . . we numb our anger based on heavy grooming that starts as soon as we’re born. My client, David (not his real name),...
Anger Numbing=Dissociation: Anger Wisdom, Part VI
What Dissociation Looks Like Let’s look at dissociation and how it relates to anger. We know that anger can be either grounded or dissociated. In other words, I stay connected to the present moment, my senses engaged, and feel angry . . . or I lose that present moment...
Anger Triggers: Anger Wisdom, Part V
Anger Wisdom Means Knowing Our Triggers Here's the beginning of one of my big anger triggers. When I was eleven, a younger kid who came to our house for violin lessons wanted to feed my little red swordfish. I warned him not to add any flakes because I’d just done it....
Sixteen Truths About Anger: Anger Wisdom, Part IV
16 Anger Truths This list of anger truths comes from my own and other people's research, as well as my nearly 30 years in the mental health industry. I'll be back soon to discuss each item here. For today, I want to put the list in front of you. It matters to me, as a...
Grounded vs. Dissociated Anger: Anger Wisdom, Part III
Two kinds of anger exist in the universe: grounded (conscious, awake anger) and un-grounded; (dissociated anger). Awake and asleep. Although anger is deeply complicated because of its layering with other emotions, when we get mad, we either know it in the moment or we...
Anger Wisdom, Part II: Anger Insight
20 years after The Anger Advantage was published, new insights about the emotional spectrum, based on EMDR therapy and mounting medical research show anger as part of something larger. Anger functions as part of a process of trauma recovery, both in everyday life and in therapy.
Anger Wisdom, Part I: Protest and the Healing Process
Anger signals distress and helps us heal. If we allow the natural protest and listen to our anger, we engage in a process of healing.
5 Easy Steps to Your Just-Right Home Office Studio
Stay at home requires a just-right home office studio where you can get creative, comfy, and feel your best. Five easy steps to set up your working oasis at home and #flattenthecurve.
Self-Love and Photography: 3 Steps to Feeling Better about Yourself
Photographer, Cory Powell, shows us how to use selfies as part of a creative emotional recovery process.
Build a Culture of Creative Inspiration: Your Office Space Matters
Creating a beautiful, comfortable therapy office inspires and energizes therapists and clients.
Therapist Creative Support
Beauty prevents burnout by raising our vibration and focusing our energy. Therapists and all helpers need creative support to engage beauty in their everyday work. Building practice based on beauty creates sustainability and abundance.
The Solution for Therapist Burnout=Beauty
Beauty: The Solution to Therapist Burnout Beauty is everywhere you look. But most therapists have been trained away from it. We got trained to look at problems. Problems=the un-beauty. This formula leads straight to burnout. Looking at problems served us pretty well ....
ReConceive Space: Aesthetic Coaching for a Beautiful Life
Aesthetics Matter I love area rugs and HGTV. I love flea markets and yarn pom poms. I love love love rearranging the furniture. Not just mine. ANYBODY’s FURNITURE. I love to ReConceive spaces so much, I’m turning this room-therapy into a whole new kind of recovery...
Religious Trauma into Soul Healing: Part VIII, Disobedience and Love
How do we transform religious trauma into soul healing? I saved the most important answer for last. Disobedience = Love Are you confused? Disobedience and Love go hand in hand, are often the same thing, and both have the effect of healing spiritual trauma. How do you...
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