Deborah Cox Blogs
Religious Trauma into Soul Healing, Part VI: Reading Good Fiction
Lift Up & Away from Religious Trauma Fiction (and memoir) reorganizes our internal narratives, and allows us to try on the emotional resources of others. It does this, not by selling us products or threatening us with what we MUST-do-or-be-damned, but by...
Religious Trauma into Soul Healing, Part V: Energetic Healing
Energetic Healing = Body + Energy + Trauma Therapy As a psychology student in the 90s, I heard the message: Don't mess with spirituality. We can't measure it. It's private. But now, a tsunami of change is sweeping the therapy world . . . and this change is...
Moving from Religious Trauma into Soul Healing, Part IV: Diverse Friendships
Friends Who are Different and a Little Bit Scary Make Us Grow Unexpected friendship teaches us, like nothing else. When I arrived at Texas Woman's University in 1990, I found myself immersed in growth and diversity. I suddenly had gay and lesbian friends, after...
Moving from Religious Trauma into Soul Healing, Part III: Beauty
Never lose an opportunity of seeing something beautiful, for beauty is God's handwriting. -Ralph Waldo Emerson Beauty is the basis of my spiritual discovery process. I found the Anglican church on a trip to England, back in '07, a time of big transition....
Moving from Religious Trauma into Soul Healing, Part II: Meditation
What is Meditation? Meditation trains our minds to focus on the present moment, to be aware of our thoughts and feelings, and to observe our whole experience in a mindful way. It's any practice that fosters mindfulness. I've practiced daily meditation for the...
Moving from Religious Trauma into Soul Healing, Part I
How do we turn religious trauma into deep emotional healing? Religious trauma happens most often in movements that are fundamentalist in nature - or, "Strong Religion." In my practice, I see adults who grew up scared of sinning and going to hell or disappointing God...
Every Therapist Needs a Tribe
How do you do it? . . . . . . People often say. How can a therapist sit with people who are in pain, hour after hour, day after day, and concentrate on how to help them feel better, while keeping themselves balanced? I usually say, "Tons of self care." And that's...
Parenting Lesson #5093: Less is More and Letting Go
Mindful Parenting of Teens = Letting Go If you have a child over the age of ten, you may already know this. So good for you. My friends with much older kids told me this years ago and I didn't want to hear it. Parenting of adolescents...
Our Flaws Make Us Interesting: EMDR Makes Them Funny
Maybe our flaws even make us lovable. My Flaws I have a few characteristics of which I’m not proud. Most of them fall into the category of "uptightness" . . . fear and shame and rigidity. Before EMDR, I would not have written this post for fear of public ridicule....
Still Recovering from Toxic Religion: Pass That Buick in Love
Here's a story about being inspired and suppressing it. This morning I got behind a slow-moving Buick on a major thoroughfare. I encountered the same dark green Buick, ten minutes before, when I was crossing a downtown street. On foot, I got up close and looked inside...
Listen to ReConceive: a Healing Podcast
ReConceive: a Podcast about All Kinds of Healing My dear friend, Melissa Sundwall, a great therapist who also happens to be a lot younger than me, says: “Let’s do a podcast.” And I say, “What’s a podcast?” That literally happened. About a year ago. So we teamed...
Visit Beyond Studio and Nurture Your Inner Crazy Aunt
Beyond Studio makes me appreciate my wild inner self. The one inspired by my favorite aunt. You know that aunt of yours . . . the one your parents didn’t want you visiting because you came back from her house wanting to sleep outside in your hammock and you wore your...
Note to Self: Write MORE that’s Real in 2018
MORE I need to write, but haven't in a while. I got a little bogged down trying to create neat, unoffensive packages of psychotherapy. I sort of lost myself, and writing became a chore. But I'm writing my way back home, thanks to a little rest and time with writerly...
Help for Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers
Narcissistic mothering is not a happy subject. But sometimes we need to call it out, label it, protect our daughter-selves from narcissistic influence, so we can let it go and move forward into the beauty that lies ahead. When your mother thinks you’re her . . . When...
Joy Lessons from my 5-year-old Niece
Lessons from Linde I recently took a road trip with my sister and her kids. While we drove and swam and hiked and visited, I got a good dose of anti-depressant wisdom from my five-year-old niece. Linde inspires me because she is full of joy and incredibly herself: no...
Relax and be an Imperfect Parent
Imperfect Parenting We're imperfect parents, but we so want to get it right. Am I providing enough security? Am I being consistent? Will he absorb my disappointment in myself? Will he absorb my anxiety? Am I telling her enough of what she needs to hear? Will she be...
“I’m unattractive & I Don’t Deserve Love”: Change Negative Beliefs with EMDR
I have a few Negative Beliefs . . . I did some dumb things in my teens. I backed the family car out of the driveway, into our neighbor’s car (which had exited his driveway a second ahead of mine). I waited tables at a church banquet and spilled iced tea down the back...
Denial, repression, and how to keep from losing your mind
I’ve always had a fear of dementia. It started on a visit to my great grandfather in the nursing home and I heard him mistake his daughter (my grandmother) for someone named Betty. Fifteen years later, the same thing started happening to my grandmother and I watched...
Transition and EMDR: No such thing as a wrong turn.
Spring brings rebirth and color and joy. It also brings pollen, tornadoes, and allergies. My life transitions like the seasons, and even though it scares the crap out of me, I know it’s a good thing. Something gets stale, stuck, or sour and I know it’s time to...
Calm Receptive Mode: Get calm and find the good stuff inside you.
Your higher self knows how to calm you. We all want to find calm receptive mode. But not everybody wants to get a massage (although we should - there are people who can make us feel safer and less awkward). Some of us need action. We need to be out in a kayak or...
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