ANGER BLOGS
The Other Pandemic: Bad Religion, Part I
So Many Sick People A sea of sick people. Not bad people. Just regular people who've joined at least one cult. I believe that bad religion, religious abuse, and spiritual trauma hurt the individual, the community, and the world. Right now, the United States has more...
Politics and the Sibling Bond: Anger Wisdom, Part XXVI
Sibling Political Anger I just spent a Saturday with my brother – after years of unspoken anger, political divisions, and very little contact. Three years my junior, he lives just twenty minutes away, Yet, we see each other perhaps once or twice a year. Michael and I...
Mindful Anger: Anger Wisdom, Part XXV
Mindful anger means experiencing the emotion in an: 1. awake, 2. deliberate, and 3. self-nurturing way. Let’s break this down a bit so we can see how to love ourselves through difficult moments. Last week, I had an experience that allowed me to practice this. The...
Boundaries and Compassion: Anger Wisdom, Part XXIV
How does anger help with compassion? Yesterday I talked with a friend who grasped, for the first time, how a family member had emotionally abused her. In about five minutes, she went from confused and ashamed . . . to angry, as she pieced together an incident in which...
Listening to Children’s Anger: Anger Wisdom, Part XXIII
Remember being angry as a child? Children's anger deserves our attention. When I talk to adults about their childhood anger, they usually remember, but feel anxious talking about it. Sometimes they draw a complete blank. I definitely remember being angry as a kid, and...
When Anger Corrodes: Anger Wisdom, Part XXII
When anger corrodes. Wait, does it? How can you tell when your anger morphs from a moment of clarity and self-protection to something else entirely? Anger has its destructive side . . . at least Ursula K. Le Guin believes it does. I reserve the right, at the end of...
Fear of Narcissism: Anger Wisdom, Part XXI
Fear of Narcissism Yesterday, I talked with someone who is deathly afraid of her anger. She said, “If I allow myself to express anger, I’m afraid I’ll be a narcissist.” I worry about this, too. But our fear of narcissism comes from a fundamental misunderstanding. We...
White Resentment: Anger Wisdom, Part XX
The Political is Personal The other night, I listened to Michelle Obama’s speech for the DNC, and I had a curious reaction. I felt so glad to see her, and at the same time, resentment. Everything she said made me cheer on one level; but on another level, feel...
Exiting a Sick System: Anger Wisdom, Part XIX
How does anger help us exit sick systems? Anger helps us exit sick systems. How? Anger allows information processing, because it is a part of the learning curve. So, let’s look at how anger facilitates timely exit when we need it. First, sick systems tend to have...
White Anger and Cultural Narcissism: Anger Wisdom, Part XVIII
What is Cultural Narcissism? Before we talk about White anger, we have to address cultural narcissism. Cultural narcissism, according to George Simon, includes all the ways a group or society tolerates, encourages, and promotes traits like: Excessive striving for...
Authoritarianism, Bad Parenting, and World Politics: Anger Wisdom, Part XVII
Bad Parenting and Misdirected Anger When I look at the global trend toward authoritarianism and fascism, I feel sick. Actually, I feel pissed. Did we learn nothing from the past hundred years? How do the most insecure, least competent, people come into such global...
Anger & Heart Health: Anger Wisdom, Part XVI
Anger & Heart Health Let’s dive into how anger affects your heart health. Most people misunderstand the anger/health relationship, because most anger research we tend to hear about has focused on limited aspects. Just do a Google Scholar search and notice what you...
Anger Work De-Stress Now: Anger Wisdom, Part XV
Deliberate, controlled anger work helps people de-stress and feel better, immediately. Anger De-Stress People are stressed out right now. They feel the stress of the pandemic and the seeming hopelessness of our political circus. I hear people say: I can't believe so...
Empathic Anger: Anger Wisdom, Part XIV
Empathy+Anger=Empathic Anger Empathic anger rises up in us when we see someone else being mistreated and we feel outrage on their behalf. We want to defend the person, protect them. Mirror neurons make us naturals at feeling the pain of others. I remember this most...
The Myth of Selfish Anger: Anger Wisdom, Part XIII
Selfish Anger? I recently saw a church flyer advertising its curriculum to help members deal with their anger. The minister quoted Frederick Buechner who called anger one of the seven deadly sins. “To lick your wounds, to smack your lips over grievances long past . ....
Physical Anger Release: Anger Wisdom, Part XII
Getting Physical with Anger (in a good way) In my last post, I introduced physical anger work as a tool for getting grounded. I gave instructions on how to deliberately release anger in a time-limited way using props, such as a punching bag or pile of cushions, a bat,...
Anger at Myself: Anger Wisdom, Part XI
But what if I’m just mad at myself? I nearly always get this question from my clients. Who are you most angry with? I ask. 75% of the time, the answer comes back: I feel anger at myself. Angry with myself for not knowing better Mad at myself for thinking I could...
Scary Anger Dissociation: Anger Wisdom, Part X
Dissociation Makes for Scary Anger I know you: You don’t want to hurt anybody, ever. But you grew up around someone who behaved irresponsibly when they were angry. You’d prefer take it out on yourself than be anything like that person. That person showed scary anger...
Anger & Forgiveness: Anger Wisdom, Part VIII
The heart wants to forgive. No matter the offense or the offender, we desire the release of letting it go. Our need to forgive is universal and I believe clear, grounded anger bridges us from hurt to forgiveness. In other words, when we feel angry with the other, we...
Anger Grooming & Dissociation: Anger Wisdom, Part VII
“Angry People” So here’s where anger gets really complicated. Not only do we dissociate in response to anger triggers when we fear being angry . . . we numb our anger based on heavy grooming that starts as soon as we’re born. My client, David (not his real name),...
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