Holding On & Letting Go
You know, that feeling where you remind yourself to worry? Lately, I catch myself holding certain issues with a death grip; things I can’t control.
- My loved-one’s health habits.
- The world’s poverty and greed.
- Our mass addictions to technology.
- Someone else’s parenting failures.
- My child’s future direction.
I catch myself thinking about these things and literally not breathing.
- What people think when I don’t call them right back or answer texts on Saturday.
Yet, I realize that clutching worries as if they were mine to command only keeps me cramped. The death grip is a self-punishing illusion. I can only take care of me.
- What really happens to all those used plastic Keurig cups?
EMDR, Bilateral Stimulation, and Letting GoIn the olden days, therapists had to convince you it would save your life to relax. Now, with EMDR, your own nervous system pushes through all the information standing between you and peace. You get there . . . sometimes with lightning speed.
Even so, between EMDR sessions, I need tools. My higher self knows it’s okay to let go, get calm, and expect good things. These steps make that happen.
- Take a few deep breaths. Read about why this helps.
- Notice the beginning signs that these issues are floating away: a feeling of warmth, a slowing of my heart-rate, a change in my breathing.
- Repeat the phrase, “All is in divine order,” or “Everything is already okay.” (That second one comes from a principal of a Dallas high school where I worked in the 90s . . . he said it every morning over the PA system, followed with one minute of Mozart as students settled into first period classes.)
- Give myself some bilateral stimulation: Tap the sides of my knees or head (at the temples), alternately, while saying something like this:
“Even though I’m worried my anxiety is rubbing off on my child, I know I’m still a good person and I know we can deal with it.”
“Even though I feel uptight when I notice racism being stirred in our country – I know it’s okay for me to relax. I know that love prevails.”
- Focus on something beautiful for 30 seconds while tapping.
Everything really is already okay.