Everything Is Love Pt. 2

It’s All Love, Part II

We Never Stop Loving

Think of someone who used to be your partner or your friend. Maybe this person was your first boyfriend/girlfriend. Maybe this person was a best friend when you were younger. Maybe you were married to this person or trusted them with your deepest secrets and emotions. When you imagine them, what do you feel?

I think of a high school boyfriend who broke my heart when I was seventeen. He was a two-timing cad. Everyone agreed. I’ve seen neither hide nor hair of him in forty years. But when I think of him now, I wish him well. I’m glad we dated back then. I learned things that I needed to learn.

I want to suggest a new idea that you may reject, at least at first. Love cannot be destroyed. It changes form, yes. It gets covered up in resentment and fear. But at its purest core, love endures, eternally. For an illustration of this, listen to Hozier’s “Would that I.”

This means we don’t need to be afraid of the changes in our relationships. The connections morph and evolve and sometimes we say goodbye. But we never really leave, not completely. We remain spiritually and emotionally connected to those we love, long after we break up or lose touch, even if we think we hate them for their betrayal.

If we start there, we can do a lot to repair a relationship. “I will always love you,” begins an opening process wherein we can offer mutual appreciation and make mutual decisions about what needs to happen next in a relationship. “I will always love you, so let’s see if we can better understand each other’s needs.” “I will always love you, so even if we split up, you’ll be in my heart.” “I will always love you, so you have, in essence, a friend for life.”

Think of how this beginning to couples therapy could create a platform for creativity and a new kind of engagement. Sometimes marriages need rehabilitation. Even when they’re headed for divorce court, they can be improved if we start with the premise that love never ends. “We came into each other’s lives for a reason.” “Let’s honor what has been between us.”

Remember, there are no mistakes. Whatever has happened between you happened for a reason. You can afford to look deeply into what seems like a mistake or a cardinal sin to find the truth about your partner . . . and about you.

How to do this? I think it takes a village to make this love restoration happen. No single therapist or method will likely give you all you need to heal a relationship in distress. But bring together a team of highly-trained professionals, offering the best expertise and methods from their combined century of experience and you have a fighting chance of saving a marriage, deepening a connection, or at least creating friendship where all was once despair and chaos.

If your relationship is in trouble, let’s talk about what you can do. We offer relationship intensives that incorporate multi-disciplinary techniques to bring you back in touch with the love that never ends.