DEBORAH COX BLOGS
How to Deal with Dissociation
Dissociation takes us out of the moment. Yesterday, I stood in the MSU music building while my son warmed up for a violin performance. All around me, young pianists and violinists practiced their Chopin, their Mozart, in separate cubicles, getting ready to play for a...
Write your Life Story and Heal from It.
Wife Material, my new novel, started as a memoir before it became a work of fiction. I wrote it because I could not- not write it. In the beginning, I tried to expose the dark side of a religious sect – the one in which I spent my childhood. In the end, I’d made up...
On Turning 50: What Matters Now?
My husband keeps asking how I want to celebrate my dreaded 50th birthday. He means well. But nothing sounds quite right. A Mediterranean cruise?...No A zip line through the Rocky Mountains?...No A party with all our friends and a margarita machine?...No All I can...
Spiritual Development: The Church of Psychology (Sometimes) Fails Us
I first noticed the failure of psychology as a young psychologist, fresh out of graduate school with my half-mortgage-sized student loan. But because of that loan and all the training it represented, I refused to say this out loud. I was a new convert, an evangelist,...
Nonviolent Parenting: 10 Reasons to Avoid Corporal Punishment
Okay, I need to talk about something that really pisses me off. "I got spanked and I turned out just fine." People who say this, in defense of old school parenting advice, usually prove my point, cluelessly. They hold a tight little view of the world. They stay...
How to Find Inner Peace after Relationship Trauma: EMDR and Spiritual Development
When I was a psychologist-in-training, I saw lots of people who had panic attacks – and I had no idea how to help them. My supervisor, Dr. Maryanne Watson, always asked me, “Who is she most angry with?” Then I ran back to my client and asked the question. Without...
Spiritual Development: Tips to relax your mind and find a calm state
See the Sacred: Let it Calm You Last Sunday, our priest, Father Kenneth Chumbley, mentioned the most recent shootings in Louisiana. He admitted this event, with the others like it in recent history, make him afraid for his family’s safety. Then he spoke of reasons we...
What is EMDR Therapy and how can it change your life?
Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing can change your life. It's not as complicated as it sounds, but it is a leading methodology for individuals to overcome past trauma and better connect with their present lives. If you were ever mistreated as a child;...
On Losing Christian Fundamentalism…and my Fundie Facebook Page
I closed my original Facebook account...the one full of cousins and college roommates......the one full of Christian fundamentalism. Two weeks ago. I’ve never felt better. True confession: I created a new account before closing my old one. I began populating New...
A short story about how EMDR feels during marriage counseling
Passion, Distraction, and Relationship Repair: A Short Story A couple sits in my office during a marriage therapy session, both partners furious with each other, helpless, unable to budge, contemplating separation. The issue: Do you love me enough to _____? One says,...
Parenting Advice: 10 ways to misbehave and connect with your kids
Healthy Misbehavior for Parents When I was a kid, I had a wish list. It went something like this. a horse to meet Donny Osmond a camper in which my siblings are not allowed, and... some sign of who my parents are, as real people My parents ate, slept, and breathed the...
Marriage Therapy: How Stomping the Eggshells Will Help You Connect
Marital Misbehavior #276: Stomp the Eggshells Why do we walk on them anyway? We don't want to hurt each other. We fear we'll make a mess if we say it straight. We fear our partner's anger. Someone taught us: if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all....
The Role of the Black Sheep and Spiritual Development
On Spiritual Development and the Role of Black Sheep I just got back from a funeral in Fort Worth. We commemorated the life of my grandfather, a lifelong fundamentalist Christian, revered by hundreds. After my mad dash to leave town, I discovered the funeral dress I...
Stages of Spiritual Development: Overcoming Anxious Perfectionism
Anxious perfectionism sounds like this: I’m not a good writer, so I never write. I can't leave this job because... I dress to hide my thighs. My mom expects me to be there, so... If I said what I really think, I would go to hell. God expects me to... I can’t believe I...
How Can EMDR Therapy Heal Disconnection?
Read this if you feel isolated or anxious. You are not alone. It's still true . . . Disconnection feels like I'm drowning. But when I give myself plenty of care (EMDR therapy, exercise, sleep, meditation, music), extraordinary allies pop into my life from out of...
How EMDR Therapy can help you have a great garage sale
Misbehavior #373: The Soul of Downsizing (Or, I bet you didn't realize a garage sale would help cure your anxiety). People in trauma recovery do amazingly similar things as they start getting well. They: think of creative projects and make more use of their five...
How EMDR Trauma Therapy Helps Couples Reconnect
Trauma Therapy: Take Another Look (It's not what you think). Jim has a problem. His wife of twenty years sends him to therapy. She says, "I don't like hanging out with you anymore." He's hurt and defensive. Jim has no idea what a gift his wife is giving him. "I just...
Religion, Sex and how EMDR Therapy Can Heal Sexual Trauma
Sex, Religion, and the Ghosts in your Attic A while back, I wrote about how our religious upbringing can pollute our sexuality. I challenged you to imagine yourself engaging in all sorts of sexual behaviors you might never want to actually do - because just thinking...
Trauma Therapy: How Healthy Rebellion Uses Anger to Heal
Healthy Rebellion, Part II: Can anger make you smarter? There've been two Me's in my life. My friends from high school only know the Deborah Before Trauma Recovery. This Deborah smiled too much and allowed herself to be manipulated. She tried too hard to be sweet...
Parenting Therapy: Old School vs. New School Parenting Techniques
THE NEW SCHOOL OF PARENTING Remember the Bobby Knight debacle? The Indiana Hoosiers head coach who threatened and yelled and threw chairs at people? 15 years later, we're still talking about his behavior and how coaches everywhere have had to change or get benched....
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