When the Body Says No: The Cost of Submission

In his groundbreaking book When the Body Says No, physician Gabor Maté describes how suppressed emotions can lead to real, physical illness. His research and clinical stories show us that when we consistently silence our anger, grief, or frustration, the body eventually rebels. Disease becomes the language of unspoken truth.

This concept resonates deeply with women raised to believe that silence is holy and submission is the highest form of love. In many religious and cultural systems, women are praised for being accommodating, long-suffering, and endlessly forgiving. Anger is condemned as sin. Self-assertion is painted as selfishness. The message is clear: to be “wife material,” you must keep quiet and comply.

But the body does not comply forever.

When we push down our “no” for long enough, our immune systems, our hormones, and our nervous systems carry the burden. Maté points out that many autoimmune diseases, cancers, and chronic illnesses are linked to a lifetime of emotional repression. It’s not that feelings cause illness in a simple, direct way. It’s that chronic stress and the absence of authentic expression erode the body’s resilience over time.

This isn’t just theory. I’ve seen it. Women who stay in controlling relationships often develop mysterious pain, fatigue, or digestive problems. They lose their sense of vitality. Their bodies carry the truth their voices aren’t allowed to speak.

In my novel, Wife Material: A Novel of Misbehavior and Freedom, the main character wrestles with this reality. She believes obedience will save her soul, but the more she submits, the more her body falters. Her spirit feels numb, her body aches, and yet she is told to keep yielding. What she doesn’t realize at first is that her body is already telling her the truth: “No more.”

That is the power of Maté’s insight. The body is not betraying us—it is advocating for us. It insists on honesty when we cannot.

So what does healing look like?

It begins with listening. Listening to the headaches that come after every silenced argument. Listening to the stomach pain that flares whenever you’re forced into compliance. Listening to the exhaustion that blankets you after another Sunday of pretending.

Healing begins when you allow yourself to say “no” with your voi, not just with your body.

This isn’t easy. Communities may call it rebellion. Families may call it dishonor. But your body knows better. It knows that truth is medicine and silence is poison.

Wife Material is a story about misbehavior as medicine. It’s about the way freedom can restore health, even when it looks messy, even when it offends tradition. It asks the question: What if the holiest thing you can do is listen to your body’s “no”?

Because when the body says no, it’s not weakness—it’s wisdom.

Learn more.