MORE I need to write, but haven't in a while. I got a little bogged down trying to create neat, unoffensive packages of psychotherapy. I sort of lost myself, and writing became a chore. But I'm writing my way back home, thanks to a little rest and time with writerly friends. Now, my true self … Continue reading Note to Self: Write MORE that’s Real in 2018
Lies often come from authority-figures. When I was growing up, preachers told the story of Abraham and Isaac: the one about how Abraham takes his child to a mountaintop and prepares to stab him to death as a sacrifice to God (whose ego must have been puny).Every time the story was told, a part of … Continue reading How Lies Put Us Into Trance and How to Stay Awake
Okay, everybody. Here's a little quiz. Consider List 1 and check all that apply to you: A good daughter □ Married to one mate, for life □ A good provider □ A sweet girl □ Skinny □ Happily married □ A good Democrat □ A good Republican □ A dutiful son □ Law-abiding citizen □ A … Continue reading Stuck in the Pigeonhole Vs. Becoming More of You
Repression: I once knew what this was and then I forgot. Last weekend, I attended the EMDRIA conference in Minneapolis where physician, Gabor Maté, spoke about the connections between trauma, emotional repression, and disease. He told the story of his Jewish infant self, crying all the time, in Hungary, 1944, just before the Nazi invasion. He quickly … Continue reading Once Upon a Time: Repression and Learning to Say No
I believe you. I think it's important for you to know that. When someone's taking you seriously, you stay more awake to your observations. Sometimes we knock down the disturbing ones, like a kid playing Whack-a-Mole. We fear a dawning realization. We don’t want it to be true. So let me just say right now, I trust … Continue reading How Getting Grounded Makes you Smarter
We hear a lot about freedom from politicians and life coaches. But freedom seems a bit vapory to me. Freedom to, what, exactly? Last week, I started asking people, What does freedom look like to you? Here are some of the answers people gave me. Having the ability and right to make decisions for myself. … Continue reading What Does Freedom Look Like to You?
Several months ago, I wrote about dissociation, or being tranced-out. Trance feels like confusion or sleepiness and it blocks our energy in relationships. Trance envelopes us when we can’t make sense of the mixed information we’re receiving inside our relational space. It paralyzes us into inaction. Am I crazy? Am I paranoid? Did I imagine … Continue reading Zombies in Relationship: Identify Feelings and Come Out of the Trance
You have a story to tell (and it lives in your body.) As you know, I recommend writing as a way of healing. When we write story, we turn pain into beauty, even if we’re spinning complete fiction. Writing forces us to transform bits of disconnected ideas, pictures, sensations, and memories into episodic memory. When … Continue reading How Exercise, Story, and EMDR Heal Trauma
I purged my childhood belief system and started over. I ran to psychology. It explained everything, including all those simple minds who still drank the Kool-Aid. Near the end of the purging process, I said to a wise friend, “I am an atheist.” He just smiled. My friend was a retired Methodist minister, now BuddhistUniversalistQuaker…….Learner. … Continue reading What’s Your Spiritual Story? (And why it matters to your life.)
Wife Material, my new novel, started as a memoir before it became a work of fiction. I wrote it because I could not- not write it. In the beginning, I tried to expose the dark side of a religious sect – the one in which I spent my childhood. In the end, I’d made up … Continue reading Write your Life Story and Heal from It.