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"Multi" is my favorite color and I (DC) love to mix ideas. People are complicated systems, so only one view of our problems leaves out many dimensions that could help speed relief. This is why I work closely with Tracy Maxfield, a neuromuscular therapist, energy worker, and dancer. Tracy and I combine concepts once thought to be separate: neuromuscular therapy and family systems, dance and attachment processes, therapeutic movement and EMDR (eye-movement desensitization and reprocessing) therapy. We learn from each other's very different approaches and our clients benefit. Blending multiple elements in therapy allows us to address a person's distress from the perspective of the body, its sensation and pain - and the less visible aspects of emotion, story, and thought.
Loathing, Lust, & Longing: Why We Obsess so Much
My son amazes me. He has his obsessions, but they're about his music, his philosophizing. He’s so different from the adolescent me of thirty-five years ago. He’s calmer and freer to learn. He’s funny, and takes creative risks with language. He accepts people with all...
Book Review – Wife Material
Some in the 70s missed ERA and the end of Vietnam. Among them was Elizabeth Campbell, the heroine of Wife Material: A Novel of Misbehavior and Freedom. Cocooned from the larger world of feminism and anti-government rallies, Elizabeth was well-prepared for domestic...
I’m a Total Failure: Transform Multi-generational Guilt and Shame
I'm a Failure. If I weren’t so lazy, I’d be more financially stable. If I was a better daughter, my parents would still be together. If I were thinner, my husband would have sex with me. If I weren’t so angry, I’d have friends. If I’d worked harder in my 20s, I’d have...
Relationship Disconnect: How it affects our health.
2019 Update: As if we needed more proof . . . relationships and bodies function together. This article talks about loneliness, which is just another term for disconnection. Everyone I love needs to read these four books. The Birth of Pleasure, Carol Gilligan The...
Zombies in Relationship: Identify Feelings and Come Out of the Trance
Several months ago, I wrote about dissociation, or being tranced-out. Trance feels like confusion or sleepiness and it blocks our energy in relationships. Trance envelopes us when we can’t make sense of the mixed information we’re receiving inside our relational...
Deepening our Relationships by Letting People Know Us
Yesterday, I had a conversation with friends about how we become known inside our relationships. Where and with whom can we be truly ourselves? How much do we share? What parts of ourselves do we keep hidden? Loneliness and social isolation pose serious health risks....
A Conversation about I and Thou
Remember the last time you worked a concession stand? You wore your team’s t-shirt and took money and gave out candy bars? Remember how odd it felt when people handed you their dollar bills without any eye contact? Like you’re the generic...
Leaving Home to Find My Higher (Grownup) Self
I Write to Grow Up I struggle to differentiate, as we all do. Leaving home is a lifelong process, as described by Murray Bowen, the father of family systems theory. But writing my novel, Wife Material, about the process of leaving home, catapulted me forward. That’s...
Writing as Healthy Rebellion
Julia Cameron says we all have the right to write, even if someone has told us we’re no good at it. Writing is a birthright that cannot be denied. It brings what’s inside to the outside, a very basic human need. I’m working on a sequel to Wife Material, the novel I...
Snap out of Trance and De-Zombie-fy (I & Thou, part 2)
I've been watching people turn into zombies all week in couples therapy. One woman said, I shut myself down so I won't have to strangle him! Trance-induction is complicated. It robs us of moments, but it helps us avoid feelings we don't want to have. And sometimes it...
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