Until recently, I resented the holidays. As in, Already???? We just did this, right? Except the years when my son believed in Santa and we put together tricycles and trains, after his bedtime, under the synthetic Douglas Fir, I got a sinking anxious dread just before Thanksgiving that let up after January first. Holiday stress separated … Continue reading Transform Holiday Stress into Mindful Rest & Giving
Repression: I once knew what this was and then I forgot. Last weekend, I attended the EMDRIA conference in Minneapolis where physician, Gabor Maté, spoke about the connections between trauma, emotional repression, and disease. He told the story of his Jewish infant self, crying all the time, in Hungary, 1944, just before the Nazi invasion. He quickly … Continue reading Once Upon a Time: Repression and Learning to Say No
I used to fall a lot. On the sidewalk. In my yard. Up a flight of marble stairs. About seven years ago, after a string of bizarre falls where I ended up with scars on my shins and a pulled muscle in my back, I followed the trail of breadcrumbs and made a body-mind connection. … Continue reading Notice Body-Mind Connections and Heal from Trauma
My clients report LOTS of guilt. Guilt over everything . . . being a rebellious teen (thirty years ago) . . . failing to protect their children from unforeseen tragedies . . . eating desserts . . . not living up to their potential . . . breaking someone’s heart . . . flying … Continue reading Find Your G-Spot: Healthy versus Coercive Guilt
We all want to achieve something. When I was eight, I wanted to be a cowgirl. This never happened, but if it had, I imagine EMDR would help me achieve my team roping goals and stay fit for the arena. EMDR therapy helps people recover from trauma, relationship stress, and all kinds of anxiety. But … Continue reading EMDR can help you Achieve: Be a better athlete, singer, or cowgirl.
I have trouble letting go. Mostly when it comes to saying goodbye to unbalanced relationships. You know, the kind where you feel you should be helpful but no amount of help seems to make a difference? So here are some thoughts about change and letting go of what no longer serves us. Change is constant. … Continue reading How to Know when it’s Time to Say Goodbye
Something tells me I'm a very bad person. Under the bridge.....beneath, “It’s my fault,” lives a more troubling idea...It hides in us like a troll under a bridge. Anyone who's survived religious abuse knows the old thought-training dies hard. Jim teaches art to high-schoolers. He lives with his wife of thirty years – the … Continue reading I Must be a Bad Person: Recovering from Religious Abuse
“It Must be My Fault” Beth gets the guilt like a reflex if anything goes wrong…..Especially if it involves her partner or her kids. “If Stuart’s in a bad mood, I assume it has something to do with me.” She feels responsible for her divorce. “If I had been calmer and less upset, we might … Continue reading It Must be My Fault
Is my relationship abusive? We all behave badly at times. We all stumble into feelings of frantic need or despair. We all say things we totally regret later: we yell, we drop F-bombs, turn our backs, and give the silent treatment. And we usually feel terrible when the dust settles. We apologize. And next time, … Continue reading How can I tell if my relationship is abusive…And what to do about it?
When I was a psychologist-in-training, I saw lots of people who had panic attacks – and I had no idea how to help them. My supervisor, Dr. Maryanne Watson, always asked me, “Who is she most angry with?” Then I ran back to my client and asked the question. Without fail, my client had an … Continue reading How to Find Inner Peace after Relationship Trauma: EMDR and Spiritual Development